Comeuppance

Today, I got some news about something, I found out that someone who did me and my family very wrong got their comeuppance of sorts.  And I feel so…..indifferent about it.  I am neither happy nor sad, not rejoicing or mourning, I do not know how I feel.  I guess one can say I’m….numb?  Feeling nothing really.  They say that when someone does you wrong you must forgive, that to forgive them frees you more than it does them.  But I am not sure that I did forgive, so why am I not feeling joyful at them getting their just desserts?  I am sure many may say hey when someone does you wrong and they get theirs it is a time for rejoicing as they say karma is a b*t#h right? But I am not feeling that, I am not feeling joy in their bad luck, joy in their sadness, joy in their sorrow.  I don’t really feel any joy in their unhappiness although many may say that I have all right to but I don’t…..I guess this is where the true test of a person comes, when people do you wrong can you forgive? Can you let it go? Can you let karma be the one who does the payback for you because to you it just simply doesn’t matter? All of us have had people who have done us wrong and we get angry, want revenge, some of us get revenge and when we do, do we feel better? Does it give us the satisfaction that we desire?  At other times someone
does us wrong and they see it and they apologize, does that provide solace?  Other times all we want is an apology, an acknowledgement that they did us wrong and we would let it go but if we don’t get it then what? Are we then forever consumed by that need?   For others they don’t get revenge and how do they feel?  Some of us become consumed by that desire for revenge and it does us more harm than the initial wrongdoing.   I was told once that I am passive aggressive, that gave me an interesting pause because when I desire to be aggressive I am far from passive, what that person should have realized was that anger and bullsh*t wasn’t required in that moment that the foolishness of anger wasn’t required in that moment that to me there was more at stake than the fact that I was livid and while I was angry, I was still seeking preservation,  trying to maintain a cool head in my
hotheadedness, not wishing to do something that we would both regret that we would get to a point of no return but unfortunately it was missed and anger and hotheadedness prevailed and the point of no return was reached and there we stood and will always remain.  And sometimes that is where a situation takes you but still can you forgive that? I believe so.  And other times a situation brings you somewhere where you can forgive but will you ever go back….nah….that ship has sailed so far that it is no longer on the horizon but that shouldn’t and doesn’t change one’s intention of forgiveness should it?
Personally, I believe that forgiveness when someone does you wrong is the best course of action, it allows you to free yourself from all of the negative feelings that go along with that wrongdoing.  Anger, hatred, the desire for revenge is not good for anyone, it truly doesn’t offer any benefit.  People hold on to wrongs done to them for years, it erodes relationships and most importantly it erodes the self, if one can find a way to forgive then they should truly do so.  Now don’t misunderstand me here, to forgive is to forgive it is far from being stupid.  I am not saying that one should forgive and return themselves to the whim of the one who has done you wrong.  Make the right decision in that, if someone has hurt you so badly that while you forgive you also see that it will be evitable, that you will have to forgive them again or if they have hurt you so very badly that revenge and extreme anger needs to be quelled with a true test of wills when images of that person comes to mind then maybe forgiving and going back to be abused or hurt again is not the best course of action. But I stand by my statement that forgiveness is the way, not return but forgiveness and again if not for them then for
you.  For me in my situation I must be honest…..as I said I am conflicted but his comeuppance doesn’t bring me joy but it does give me a peace,  but it also doesn’t because now he has peace now he gets to move on, absolved of what he has done to me but I am still living with what he has done to my life, the consequences of his behaviour is still being felt by me and my family as the saying goes in spades like the Ace you know……we are feeling it and we always will be, the ripples, the consequences of that one person’s behaviours has changed the course of so many lives in my life and so his just desserts, his comeuppance really does nothing for me because it doesn’t change how his behaviour has altered the course of my life, it hasn’t altered my life and as I consider it maybe that is why his comeuppance does nothing for me and proves why revengeand karma does nothing for the wronged because what the wrong doer has done always and forever remains done, the damage the wrong doer has performed remains damaged, in that there is no coming back.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, his being wronged now doesn’t make my wrong right in any way and I feel no relief, I was wronged and that can never be fixed, so I take a page from this, and I take heed I forgive all those who have done me wrong whether they see it or not and I feel for them because they will have to pay one day for what they have done to me but I also know that when they pay while it will be to atone for what they have done to me they alonewill feel it not me because while what they have done to me may be their cross to pay for it will always and forever be my cross to bear.  Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until next time, be well

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