Monday…..

Today everything worked as it was supposed to, everyone where they need to be at the time they were supposed to, lunches made, afternoon run done, evening routine executed and now at the end of my evening, I am so tired. Almost too tired to go to sleep but too tired to do anything more. Not sure why I am feeling so tired on a Monday the beginning of the week, probably because it’s Monday and Monday’s aren’t always easy. Starting the week and leaving the weekend behind is not an easy thing. And for me, I am here on Monday already tired from the week because I have already planned out my entire week until Friday and that makes this week that has yet to even start really feel tiring and over. It’s crazy how life does that to a person. I promised in a past post that I would stop and live in the moment and not rush through the today that I took my time yesterday to plan but it is so very difficult to really do that in my every day. There are times when I can actually do that, when I spend time with my children, or when I play games with my children, or spend time with them watching their favourite shows, or when I spend time with my beautiful sunset, these are moments when I am present and in that moment enjoying and revelling in the now but the rest of my life I don’t do it enough. I am going to have to continue to put that idea into practice. It is an important part of life I believe as I have said before so at the end of yet another day I am taking in this moment and I’m going to enjoy it before I finally am able to go to sleep. And I am not going to worry about tomorrow and what needs to happen until tomorrow morning when I wake up and when those moments come to pass, except for those things that I am looking forward to of course, like the hugs I know I will get, the sunset I will get to see, the smiles and laughs we will share and all of the other beautiful moments. Because in the end I have already prepared everything that needs to happen tomorrow anyway so there is no need to stay in the moments of tomorrow when today’s moments have yet to pass. Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day. Until Next time, be well

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Frilly Friday

Alright now this one is for the ladies, the mothers saying TGIF, the children are in bed and we are all looking forward to TGIS.  So I have decided that Fridays will be Frilly Fridays, where we are going to get frilly after the children are in bed and to assist in our getting frilly process I would like to feature a new wine  every Friday.  I am a wine drinker, I don’t know very many mothers who aren’t *smile* so I would like to pay homage to it and I will feature a new wine every week for us all to try.  So email me your favourites and I will add them to the post and together we will all have a wine tasting from our own after children go to sleep happy places.  So this week I am going to feature a wine that I tried at the LCBO.  Was going to pick up a wine for a ladies night and they were sampling this wine and I was taken. The wine is Valpolicicella Ripasso Farina.  At only $17.95 for a 750 ml bottle,  it is set at a good price point.  It is an Italian red, for those red wine lovers and truly for those who aren’t as well. I think it is a red for both red wine drinkers and white wine drinkers that aren’t so very sure about reds.  It is smooth, not to tannin filled, 13.5% for those who care about that, it is not bold but sits on the palate nicely, great with a steak, a wine and cheese event, or a tomato based pasta.  It does have a cork ladies so you will need your cork screw for this one but it truly is a nice wine and I believe trying it is an asset to any Ladies night or if you just want to try something new for your Frilly Friday.  Try it and let me know what you think. Now I must note that it is not in every LCBO I found it at the LCBO downtown at Dundas and Yonge street’s in Toronto, but was unable to find it in my local LCBO  so hopefully finding it isn’t difficult but if you do I am telling you it is worth it.  I always pick it up when I go downtown just so I have it in my wine cellar and keep it on the roster for when I want it. So ladies that is my contribution to Frilly Friday, enjoy and get frilly. Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until Next time, Be well.

Comeuppance

Today, I got some news about something, I found out that someone who did me and my family very wrong got their comeuppance of sorts.  And I feel so…..indifferent about it.  I am neither happy nor sad, not rejoicing or mourning, I do not know how I feel.  I guess one can say I’m….numb?  Feeling nothing really.  They say that when someone does you wrong you must forgive, that to forgive them frees you more than it does them.  But I am not sure that I did forgive, so why am I not feeling joyful at them getting their just desserts?  I am sure many may say hey when someone does you wrong and they get theirs it is a time for rejoicing as they say karma is a b*t#h right? But I am not feeling that, I am not feeling joy in their bad luck, joy in their sadness, joy in their sorrow.  I don’t really feel any joy in their unhappiness although many may say that I have all right to but I don’t…..I guess this is where the true test of a person comes, when people do you wrong can you forgive? Can you let it go? Can you let karma be the one who does the payback for you because to you it just simply doesn’t matter? All of us have had people who have done us wrong and we get angry, want revenge, some of us get revenge and when we do, do we feel better? Does it give us the satisfaction that we desire?  At other times someone
does us wrong and they see it and they apologize, does that provide solace?  Other times all we want is an apology, an acknowledgement that they did us wrong and we would let it go but if we don’t get it then what? Are we then forever consumed by that need?   For others they don’t get revenge and how do they feel?  Some of us become consumed by that desire for revenge and it does us more harm than the initial wrongdoing.   I was told once that I am passive aggressive, that gave me an interesting pause because when I desire to be aggressive I am far from passive, what that person should have realized was that anger and bullsh*t wasn’t required in that moment that the foolishness of anger wasn’t required in that moment that to me there was more at stake than the fact that I was livid and while I was angry, I was still seeking preservation,  trying to maintain a cool head in my
hotheadedness, not wishing to do something that we would both regret that we would get to a point of no return but unfortunately it was missed and anger and hotheadedness prevailed and the point of no return was reached and there we stood and will always remain.  And sometimes that is where a situation takes you but still can you forgive that? I believe so.  And other times a situation brings you somewhere where you can forgive but will you ever go back….nah….that ship has sailed so far that it is no longer on the horizon but that shouldn’t and doesn’t change one’s intention of forgiveness should it?
Personally, I believe that forgiveness when someone does you wrong is the best course of action, it allows you to free yourself from all of the negative feelings that go along with that wrongdoing.  Anger, hatred, the desire for revenge is not good for anyone, it truly doesn’t offer any benefit.  People hold on to wrongs done to them for years, it erodes relationships and most importantly it erodes the self, if one can find a way to forgive then they should truly do so.  Now don’t misunderstand me here, to forgive is to forgive it is far from being stupid.  I am not saying that one should forgive and return themselves to the whim of the one who has done you wrong.  Make the right decision in that, if someone has hurt you so badly that while you forgive you also see that it will be evitable, that you will have to forgive them again or if they have hurt you so very badly that revenge and extreme anger needs to be quelled with a true test of wills when images of that person comes to mind then maybe forgiving and going back to be abused or hurt again is not the best course of action. But I stand by my statement that forgiveness is the way, not return but forgiveness and again if not for them then for
you.  For me in my situation I must be honest…..as I said I am conflicted but his comeuppance doesn’t bring me joy but it does give me a peace,  but it also doesn’t because now he has peace now he gets to move on, absolved of what he has done to me but I am still living with what he has done to my life, the consequences of his behaviour is still being felt by me and my family as the saying goes in spades like the Ace you know……we are feeling it and we always will be, the ripples, the consequences of that one person’s behaviours has changed the course of so many lives in my life and so his just desserts, his comeuppance really does nothing for me because it doesn’t change how his behaviour has altered the course of my life, it hasn’t altered my life and as I consider it maybe that is why his comeuppance does nothing for me and proves why revengeand karma does nothing for the wronged because what the wrong doer has done always and forever remains done, the damage the wrong doer has performed remains damaged, in that there is no coming back.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, his being wronged now doesn’t make my wrong right in any way and I feel no relief, I was wronged and that can never be fixed, so I take a page from this, and I take heed I forgive all those who have done me wrong whether they see it or not and I feel for them because they will have to pay one day for what they have done to me but I also know that when they pay while it will be to atone for what they have done to me they alonewill feel it not me because while what they have done to me may be their cross to pay for it will always and forever be my cross to bear.  Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until next time, be well

The sounds of silence

So I have a question…..are children deaf? Or are they just insanely loud without noticing.  Or is it just my children……my children are so loud and they aren’t yelling at each other in fits of anger or in the midst of an argument but in normal conversation or play, they are just loud.  I find myself constantly telling them to hush, that they shouldn’t be in the room down the hall and I am unable to hear the television in the room that I am in.  And it’s not just their voices I also have to remind them about the television as well but that is a small issue because once it is turned down its down.  But their voices are always turned up to loud or louder, I just don’t understand it.  They are always yelling! And it drives me crazy! Constantly having to tell them,” hush”, “keep your voices down you’re not in the playground”, “stop yelling”, why do you have to be so loud?”  I simply am perplexed by it. Mostly perplexed.  Well I can sort of understand it, there are many reasons for it, first being that they are just children when I pick up my children at school or daycare all the children are insanely loud.  The hum that rises as soon as the school bell rings after school is crazy and how as a parent I ignore it lends to the truth that one can truly block anything out if they try.  In that environment I can block out the sound and focus on what I am doing and when my children were younger I could block out the sound as well so much so my father used to always ask me are you not hearing that!? As I continued to have our conversation oblivious to the sounds my children made as they played. But as they have gotten older I can’t take it with the same grain of salt, the sound rises like a wave and eventually overtakes me and I become overwhelmed and lost in the sound of it all.  So in that regard it is also my fault, I didn’t reign it in when they were younger not believing that those little voices would ever rise to such a level as to drown out all other sounds in the house LOL.
Lately I have been seriously trying to reign it in, attempting to quiet their voices somewhat and so I am on them all the time to recognize that their voices are extremely loud and it is not necessary as they are right in front each other and none of them are deaf.  And slowly change is beginning to occur but the mean time is still frustrating as when they get really excited they fully forget and my house sounds like a playground.  It could be a bigger issue in my house as there are more children in my home so they have the opportunity to be louder but in the end I don’t see it like that cause this is my reality, the only reality that I know, so I see it as loud not that there are seven of them therefore loud must be acceptable, its not for me regardless.  But this lesson in their volume levels speaks to the fact that as a parent we really can change our children’s questionable behaviours by ensuring that we are diligent in our quest to be rid of them.  Surely we cannot change behaviours that are part of their core character but behaviours like simply speaking way too loud for their mother to take, those can be changed.  As I said in my home it is getting better and I am optimistically predicting that within the next 6 weeks I will have silence, well….not silence because children do get loud and that’s just how children are but they will learn that there is no need to be loud all the time.  And in that understanding I must add this little factor to my quest in quieting my home, sometimes parents do it to themselves.  Sometimes we contribute to the noise levels by buying loud and annoying toys for our children, that we look at and can’t wait for the batteries to die LOL.  I remember telling my son that Elmo was sleeping when its batteries finally died and recently I bought my children a vuvuzela, you know the horn that soccer fans love to blow as the game is being played.  Now, that thing is loud and when I bought it I considered that I would regret it and there are times when I do, but when I see how happy they are to play with it the regret quickly alleviates because in the end beyond all the noise and keep your voices down, stop yelling, and hush, sometimes the loud sounds are the sounds of the utter and sheer happiness and as their mother it brings me joy.  They are happy, happy to be in that moment of their lives and for that I am grateful because as parents all we really want is happy healthy children, now I cannot promise that the next time they raise their voices I will remember that little spin I just put on their noise levels but I can promise that I won’t always forget. *smile* Well that’s just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until next time, Be well.

The first day back

Today was the first day back, back to the morning routine, back to the morning run, back to the afternoon run, back to the evening routine.  And we made it through, made it where we had to go when we needed to be there and in the end, I am so happy for it.  Truly I wasn’t sure how it was really going to go,  if I could really get back into the routine I really got used to not having to do it, enjoyed the time off, I enjoyed it so much it almost felt normal, but when the time came I fell right back into real life and got it done.  The prep on Sunday got done, and this day ran as it should have.  So much so it felt normal in an instant my break from it almost already a distant memory.  But now that the day has finally wound itself down and the end is drawing near I am ready for “my time” and then bed.  I will tackle tomorrow tomorrow.  Have some planning to do as 2 has decided that she wants to take on a new nutritional plan and so now meal plans and grocery lists will have to be created to accommodate these changes.  It’s a good thing though, she is being conscious about health and those things that should be included in one’s diet to accommodate their special circumstances.  In the coming posts I will speak on that further and let you all know how the changes go.  One thing my children have no issue with is eating, every one of them have what one would call a healthy appetite, and they are all far from picky except for a few dietary restrictions and dislikes they will eat just about anything, so I am sure that they will accept the changes as long as they are still able to eat.  So I don’t anticipate any objection to the changes, I think the greatest issue will be the changed lists and meal plans and staying on track until it becomes the norm but I will see about that once it begins.  Well that’s just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until next time, Be well.

The end of March break…

It’s that last day of March break ….starting tomorrow I am back to the normal grind, laundry, lunch prep and everything else that is required to get ready for the school week and then come Monday it is back to the morning routine, the morning run, the afternoon run, the evening routine and then looking forward to Easter as a prelude to the real break, summer! I really enjoyed shedding the schedule for a few days and relaxing.  Now, yes March break did make way for days that had to be structured in a different way
but at least I did not have to wake up at 5am and actually get out of my bed I could sleep in a little. Cause we all know children have so many issues with getting up on time for school but on the weekends or holidays they have no issue at all with getting up on time.  But with a properly prepared night before with breakfast set out and ready, I was able to steal at least an extra hour every morning and I loved it! Many may ask isn’t it harder with your children home, having to plan activities, keep them amused, shuttle them from this activity to that activity, from this friend’s house to that friend’s house but no it actually isn’t. I love spending time with my children, indulging them in their activities and crafts, conversations and whims and truly I resent the time they spend at school (understanding it is required) as it takes up most of their lives.  Our children are children forsuch a short time in the span of life and school takes most of it.  I love to see the world through their eyes, I love to hear their opinion on things, to see how they mould the world when they have the freedom too.  So no, I don’t resent holidays, I love holidays I love when they are all home and I can spend time with them one on one, section by section, or as a group.  And during March break, I was almost like a kid at Christmas, sleeping in, no runs or routines, and spending quality wonderful time with my children, bliss. Truly I am going to miss them….. Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day, until next time, be well.

Reflection

Today is a….reflective day for me.  Today I am reflecting on my experience.  I have not said much about what I have been through in my relationship and as time goes on I will reveal more but today it is on my mind.  I am trying to understand, to wrap my mind around what has happened to me and more so why is it that society appears so complacent in the abuse of a woman at the hands of a man, her husband or boyfriend, or otherwise.  Why is the stance silence? I have left my abuser and am very happy for it, yet I am treated as the leper, I am treated as if I have done him wrong and he is left to be the victor, left to abuse another because he is not being reigned in in any way but that is not what I wanted this to be about really, so I will save that for another day, my issue is why does he believe and try to control my life even though he should no longer able.  Does our one tie, our children, allow him to attempt to always stop me from living my life?  I will not let him. We live in a world where the standards for men and women are different, I understand that but must a man be allowed to take it to the extremes? Is it sensible to say that a woman is not allowed to be anything but a mother once she becomes one? She must always and forever take on that role and do nothing else, she cannot go out, she cannot go on vacation, she cannot date (when she is single of course), she cannot have a life that does not include her children? This is an issue I think we as women have, when we become mothers the weight of that title is so heavy and truly serious.  The world wants us to be only that and it fails to see that before we were mothers we were people, we had names, identities.  Now surely we must be mothers and care for our children but we do, we take care of our children but when we get a sitter and they are cared for then what? Sure we go to our girls night and they are filled with cute stories about our children, have we really gotten away? LOL.  As they get older we appreciate time away much better.  I am in that phase, I am in a place where I now enjoy my times away but call in every hour to ensure that they are alright to the point where my children don’t want to speak to me as they have their own things to do.  Brief conversations where they say they are alright and pass the phone to the next one but while that makes me feel as a mother less important it also lets me know that they are alright and that the world does not fall into itself when I am gone, they make it and I can go out and be me without retribution or issue.  As mother it is alright to take a moment, to have a girls night, to have a vacation, free from guilt or ill feelings.  As long as we ensure that our children are properly cared for then we are alright, we have done alright and we need to remember that.   So mom’s enjoy being a mom and enjoy being you because without you there is no mom.  Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until next time, be well.

The reluctant father

Hello everyone, sorry that I have not posted in some time, took a well needed vacation but now I am back and so here we go continuing where I left off.  I will speak on my vacation at a later date for now here we are with todays post.  Two weeks ago I was watching the morning show on global I saw a news story on a man named Phillip Toledano, he has a blog named Confessions of a reluctant father.  In it he wrote a post that had some in awe and admiration and others in an uproar.  In it he was honest about his feelings about his daughter Loulou when she was first born.  Likening her to a sea sponge, he said that it was difficult to connect with this little person who didn’t do anything upon her arrival.  He comments on the incessant crying that a newborn seems to take to almost as easily as they do to breathing and that while his wife enjoyed it he wanted to throw his daughter out of the window.  He also comments on his daughter’s eating habits likening it to a wildlife video as she would eat like a wild animal, in his opinion ravishing the nipple and then passing out in a deep sleep with her mouth open and milk running down her face.  His honesty in this article was greatly appreciated.  I think that this is an issue that many men have, yet they are not allowed to voice that truth.  Toledano comments that when he told people that fatherhood didn’t really do it for him, he was not met with I fully understands but with faces that in his words wrinkled up like a walnut.  But in the end he is expressing a feeling that many men have.  And some women have as well. I remember when I first had my daughter, as to be expected I loved her as soon as I looked into her eyes right before I passed out from exhaustion.  LOL. I remember looking at her in awe of the fact that she was inside of me, anticipating getting to know her, that I had a hand in creating this little being and I began taking about 50 to 60 pictures of her per day wanting to document every moment that we had and loving her in that first hour with a wonder because while she was only one hour old it felt like she had always been here, as the love I had for her felt like a lifetime not just her’s but mine as well times infinity.  And truly I didn’t have any what the fuck am I doing moments until she was 2 weeks old when she started screaming every night longer and longer every day and sleep deprivation gave way to craziness and I thought if I just put this pillow on her head for just a moment that sound would stop right? Clearly I didn’t do it but I am being honest I thought it, more than once and I am sure many other women have considered the same or something similar.  Those days have mother a little nuts sometimes.  My next moment of wondering was when 2 was going through his terrible two’s.  He truly was going through terrible and I honestly counted down the days until he turned three, he was difficult, defiant, and exasperating and I loved looking at him as he slept because thankfully he was unconscious and I made it through another day and almost like he knew that he was supposed to stop at that time, he stopped when he turned three like clockwork.  Thank god! Cause those days the pillow was oh so very close.  LOL just kidding.   After that I think I got a true hang of children and how to handle them and the last 5 of my children were better handled in many regards. But with none of them did I truly have a moment of do I love you? Can I love you? Will I love you?  I was more concerned with another is coming, hmmm….interesting.  In the end I was good with loving my sea sponges (LOL), appreciating those moments and loving all those that followed.  My holy shit OMG moment regarding their father came when my daughter was 9 months old, her father was holding her in his arms and he said I am father, this is my daughter and I said are you serious you just figured that out? I didn’t understand it in that moment, I mean he was there when she was screaming every night, that didn’t wake him up to her presence?! He was there daily changing diapers and changing clothes, doctors appointments, a million pictures to pose for and take but for him it just wasn’t real and today I wonder…was he like Teledano, did he not…love her until that day, truly not see her until that moment, was that his moment?  Teledano has given a voice to a fathers feelings, a situation that is so understandable for a man, a woman has the opportunity to feel this life, from morning sickness to kicks and babies responding to our movements and voices we have the opportunity to bond with our children way before a man does.  Sure he gets to have some foreign entity kick him in the head when he puts his head to our stomachs but in the end it is not the same and some men feel that.  Toledano acknowledging that is brave and I commend him for it.  Recognizing our truths is important and the way we remain in truthful places of acknowledgment and eventual acceptance.   I wonder now how my children’s father felt I never asked him as I never conceived that he hadn’t felt utter love and awe until now and at that point we had had so many more children that I didn’t even really think to ask but today is my Oprah ah- ha moment and I see that he probably had that same feeling.  Shocked and not truly ready for fatherhood, doing what was required of him, not feeling what he should have felt but just as Teledano he eventually came to his love and loved our child and our children and in the end that is all that matters.  It wasn’t hate to start it was indifference and misunderstanding and getting used to a new situation and we expect immediacy with parenthood but its not always the case, truly it is a new experience, a change and all new experiences and changes take time to get used to.  Women don’t consider that we get a chance to get used to that change 9 months to be exact but men….they don’t.  As Toledano said love is a pull, a gravitational pull and eventually his daughter as all our children do, they pull us into their orbit and we love them fully and unconditionally.  I always say partly in jest and partly seriously that children are the biggest con artists because they lull us into loving them, into a complacency, so that they can get away with anything with us (god knows I have some stories of the test of love LOL) because if we didn’t love them…..well we all know what that would be don’t we……LOL. Just another day in 7th heaven, tomorrow is another day.  Until Next time, be well.